ikkuna auki iltaisin; pitkästä aikaa ilma on kevyttä, ei ohutta.
mainintoja isänmaasta tai ehkä totuudesta - kyse on kokonaisvaltaisesta ihmisestä.

miksi hiljaiset yksityiset pohdiskeluni poikkeavat  tilanneajattelustani (ajattelenko minä)?
--> "järki ja tunteet" on roskaa: puhun mielestäni melussa ja rauhassa -
ajatukseni ja tunteeni ovat kolikon puolia: ajatuksillani tulkkaan tunteeni --> itsestäänselvyys
ja olosuhteet määrittävät koko kolikon, kovin erilaisen vapaudessa ja akuuteissa tilanteissa.

dear Marky,
i finally made you real: scanned your letter and let myself open. (he looks me straight into my eyes and tries to say goodbye.) this feels like a good time to write to you, finishing what i'd like to. (oh, please, mister, i have enough on my hands as it is.)  i'm still struggling with myself. (he didn't leave the platform untill he saw me again.)

i have to see these weight gains as slight setbacks & necessary challenges. it's dear Ana testing the purity of my blood. am i worth her love, because she is good and she is God, and her cult is all about success and security. and every time i've sinned i'll list the foods and do my math and Hail Ana as the (w)hole of my life.

today continued the same when talking of stares. i perceive myself ugly; do they perceive me as easy?
although two masculine issues are enough i'd still like to explore some rare beauties.

i didn't sleep much that night though i insisted on sleeping in my knickers. i'm still pretty, i'm still pretty! i comforted myself. he got fucked over. my secret is: i have no vagina.
should i actually listen to what they teach in school: you're worth the respect; they're not worthy of you.
i really crave for that steamy summer that exists only within my needs. it'll kiss it all better again.
but the point here is that i left the building as the winner. shitty business, but mandatory to remember. "phew, that was close." i'll soon become King Liar.